and you said cock pushups were impossible
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
