I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
