I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I wear drunk well.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
