I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
