well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
