I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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