Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
