Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
