She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
