rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize