I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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