you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
