Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
