As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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