i just sold back the books i vomitted on
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
