Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
