wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
