Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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