she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
