I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i drank out of a bidet.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
