where am i from again
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
