She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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