his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
