Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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