Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
