all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
