I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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