maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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