id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
