turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
