Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
