i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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