I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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