Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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