You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The Olympian is in my bed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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