i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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