What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
