Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize