if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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