so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
