That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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