Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
