Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
