There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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