Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
