he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
