i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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