Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
