Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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