You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
