I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
