I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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