She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize