ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
