Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
