Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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