sarcasm needs its own font
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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