i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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