you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Cover your peen. We're going out.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
