Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
