Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
