She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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