Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize