i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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