Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
