I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
