We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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