Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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