I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
