you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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