Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
