If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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