I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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