Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
