I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
