I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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