Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
