I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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