I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize