my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
