my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
