your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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