I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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