Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Someone came in the potted fern
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
