his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
