Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
