so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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