So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
