I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
