Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
