Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We are two peas in an std pod
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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