When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
