just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
