forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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