my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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