when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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