I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
