hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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