trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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