I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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