if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
