You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
