found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
