your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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