He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You don't make any sense
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