Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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