I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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