I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize