Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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