quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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