I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
