A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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