There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
